.tied up.

Monday, November 29, 2004

hungry

funny.
one fine saturday morning.
i walked into their room.
feeling real stone.
looking real blur.
i plunge onto their bed.
and moaned.
"daddy, do u wanna send me to school today? i'm really tired..."
my words fade off and i attempt to get back to sleep.
mummy sits up.
looks at me and says, "i think i'm going to write in for you to keep four subjects."
four subjects...
those words were like an alarm.
"what?" i got up and looked at her.
"i feel very strongly that you should take 4 subjects. so i'm gonna write in to make them let you take four subjects."
tired.
i'm really tired.
when i tried appealling and all, i was soo tired.
i felt like i was doing everything in my own strength.
i had the write the smely letter myself.
cause they just couldn't be bothered.
then daddy edited it, and insisted that i should write that line.
so my letter go rejected.
had to re-write the letter,
cause daddy said in sarcasm that he couldn't write it, so i had to.
fine.
so i did.
i had to see mr heng like every other day i was in school.
i was so sick and tired of it all.
i mean.
if you don't want to support me and help me.
then don't!
i mean, every other day when i'm at home, i ask you for your views to whether or not i should keep 4 subs or drop.
and you just dismiss me off and say it's my decision.
but of course you add a full 900 page essay full of redundant paragraphs.
which really doesn't help me at all.
you talk.
yes you talk.
but you talk rubbish.
that's the worst part.
it's no beneficial or essential.
it's all nonsensical words.
so why do i even bother asking you?
you aren't even helping.
you make me tired.
seriously.
you made the process tiring.
and lonely.
and you always add stupid lines like, "why can't you? ask that mr heng to come see me"
like for goodness sake.
YOU'RE NOT THAT GREAT!
i mean who really cares about your existence.
argh. tiring. frustrating. and really really pissing.
why suddenly, wake up in the morning, with that tinge of inspiration,
and tell me you're gonna write a letter?
like YOU ARE TOO LATE MAN.
but what the heck.
i mean if you really cared, you would have bothered about it LONG ago.
so i said.
"you want you write lor."
throughout the whole car ride.
they just kept talking and talking about having the rights to keep four subjects.
and how the government sucks.
like really.
oh well.
now they're gonna write letter straight to kelvyna chan.
ok. it's up to them.
as long as i don't have to see ANYbody anymore.
i'm happy.
i don't want to see mr heng and feel so insecure.
i don't wanna see any principal and feel lonely and deserted.
you promised i don't have to see anyone.
so you better keep that promise.
i'm not going to school to pass anyone anything.
if you want me to keep four subjects, you can do it yourself.

sigh.
preparing for worship has been quite bad.
had lots of problems.
first.
sherrie took my time slot on wednesday night.
so i changed it to wednesday morning 10am.
told everyone.
everyone was happy.
then andrew said, he couldn't be down on wednesday morning.
so it got postponed to thursday night.
but i had tuition.
so i had to make lotsa arrangements, to change tuition.
then andrew called and said he couldn't book the chapel.
so i had to change it again.
thursday morning.
sigh.
finally when we settle practice.
ben came like 40mins late.
sherrie was rushing cause she had class.
i felt so helpless.
anyhow.
we finaly started practice.
the praise songs were REALLY messy.
but the worship songs were realy GOOD.
i heard that andrew had problems during his worship practice too and he wanted to change like numerous songs.
but well.
after practice.
my cher hao kept blaming me for all the problems we had during worship.
ok i guess it's my fault, since i'm the worship leader.
but, everyone has a part to play when it comes to worship leading.
you can't expect the worship leader to know everything.
so anyhow.
sunday.
sunday after service.
we were keeping the instruments and all.
i asked andrew what time is my worship session during the camp.
cause i needed to exact time.
i had school on friday morning.
and they told me my worship session was on friday afternoon.
but guess what.
after andrew checked the thingy, he said it's at 9:30am on friday!
and my orientation meeting is at 8:30am in school!
):
yet another clash.
sigh.
andrew wanted to me to switch with alphonsus.
but i told him,it's not a very ncie thing to do.
so i shall just stick to it being on friday morning.
and miss the meeting in school.
after worship evalution.
andrew told me and sherrie we had to include "home" into one of our worship sessions.
because it's the theme song and they want us to do it.
then sherrie said she'll put it in hers.
wow. nice.
but suddenly, sunday night.
she told me that she couldn't fit it in hers and i had to put it in mine.
so ok. alright.
i will add it to my list.
sigh.
so much changes.
the worst part is.
we don't even have time to practice or run through the songs.
sherrie doesn't want me to practice on thursday night.
but i have a band who's always oversleeping.
so i don't really dare to trust that they will wake up on time for morning practice.
oh well.
i'll just keep praying.
hopefully something good will happen.
(:
was supposed to meet boonsie, fernzie, sarah, delly and jia today for lunch.
jia msged my at 10am to tell me she couldn't go.
delly said she isn't free til 4pm.
boonsie's gonna get a new hp with her parents at night.
so we ended up stranded.
our plan to go out and meet up and all...
just disappeared like that.
i miss you.
and i wanna see you.
but now i can't.

[ Jude whispered ][ 10:17 AM ]

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